First Person: country singer Tami Neilson on the superpower of sisterhood

I was born Tamara Lee Neilson. I had an Uncle Kenny and an Aunt Dolly (who played guitar and banjo, respectively). I mean, did I really have a choice to become anything but a Country singer?

I fell in love with Dolly Parton when I was six years old, spinning her records on my dad’s record player while dancing on the olive green shag carpet of our living room. At 10 years old, I opened for Kitty Wells, the Queen of Country Music and the first woman to ever have a number one hit on Country radio, with my family band, The Neilsons. I knew I wanted to be like these women when I grew up; wear outrageous dresses and big, audacious wigs, be larger than life. As I toured for a decade from the age of 12, I discovered it wasn’t quite that simple. The playing field definitely wasn’t level, and I’d been unknowingly born with what the industry views as a disadvantage… I was a woman.

In 2024, female artists received less than 10% of radio airplay across the USA. Which means they don’t meet the criteria for many music awards that require a certain percentage of airplay to even qualify. Women are often pitted against each other by record labels who will only sign one token female on their rosters. They rarely headline festivals. A radio consultant was famously quoted in a country radio trade magazine, “If you want to make ratings in country radio, take females out.” In an environment of such scarcity, you would think this would breed cutthroat competition amongst female artists, but, more often than not, it creates a sisterhood of women pulling each other over the wall.

Whenever you see me fly, it’s almost always because a woman has helped lift me to new heights.

When I first moved to New Zealand almost two decades ago, iconic national treasures The Topp Twins took me under their wings, took me on tour and shared their audiences with me, saying, “In this industry, when you get a foot in the door, kick it open and pull others through behind you.” I had a front row seat, watching two queer women independently build a business empire of hit TV shows and hit records, all while being fierce and unapologetic activists. Being on tour was a masterclass led by these irreverent comedians and Dame Companions of the New Zealand Order of Merit. I watched and learned, inspired to build my own empire.

Three years ago, I recorded a duet with one of my musical heroes, Willie Nelson. An absolute dream-come-true moment. One of the questions I get asked the most (usually immediately following, “Have you smoked weed with Willie?!”) is “How on earth did you end up getting to work with him?” It pretty much all boils down to his wife, Annie. She saw me perform and immediately followed me on social media, commenting on my posts with words of support and encouragement. Our friendship grew, and she sent me her phone number so we could be in touch offline. She pulled me into their Tribe and into their hearts. She has championed me to a point that has changed the course of my life.

After seeing me perform with Willie, the producers of a special being filmed for PBS reached out to ask me to be part of an absolute dream show with an all-star line-up singing the music of Patsy Cline at Nashville's Ryman Auditorium. I performed and the next morning, woke to a DM from one of my favourite country stars, Ashley McBryde. She’d been on the line-up and, after seeing me perform, she had immediately dug into my catalogue of music and wrote me to lift me up and encourage me, saying she was a fan. A few weeks later, she tagged me in a post of her getting ready for the red carpet of the CMAs, playing “Careless Woman” as her hype song! A couple of months after that, she asked for permission to create a tee-shirt with my photo on it and a line from the song “I Wanna Be Her When I Grow Up”, so she could wear it around town as she hosted CMA Fest, championing my music. So, when I had a song idea about women supporting and empowering each other, she was the first person who came to mind. I asked if she would do a long-distance writing session, and she invited powerhouse songwriter and artist Shelly Fairchild to join us, and my latest single “Borrow My Boots” was born. I recorded it on my album Neon Cowgirl (pictured below left) the following week.

I met Grace Bowers back when she was 15 years old and had just moved to Nashville, and I asked her to play her first paid gigs with me at Americanafest. We had to hide her backstage because she wasn’t old enough to be in the venues. She’s rocketing to stardom now and, after playing with everyone from Dolly and Slash, after rocking the Grammys, I didn’t know if she’d have time for a little guitar solo on “Borrow My Boots”. Not only did she contribute a blistering solo, she changed her flights in the middle of a tour to then join me, Ashley and Shelly to perform this song at my debut on the stage of the Grand Ole Opry.

I could fill a book with stories like these, full of women who have lifted me up, given an opportunity, kicked a door open. So, when I share dire statistics on the lack of female representation on country radio (SongData.ca) or discuss how the playing field isn’t level, people often ask if I have hope of the industry changing to be more equal. My answer is no. But the hope I DO have is in sisterhood, in the power of women to build their own table when the industry doesn’t offer them a seat at theirs.

Sisterhood is my greatest superpower.

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Below: watch Tami Neilson perform "Borrow My Boots" at The Grand Ole Opry, with Ashley McBryde, Grace Bowers, and Shelly Fairchild